Parenting in Balance

I never actually set out to coach anyone about parenting – I’ve been busy raising my own kids and making my fair share of mistakes, and I still don’t see myself as any kind of true expert. At the same time, my intent has been to be as positive and pro-active with my children as possible, and having worked with kids and teenagers for the last 20+ years, I’ve often talked with and listened to their parents, and offered ideas where I could.

Some of the things that have worked best with my own kids started out as experiments, and I was amazed at how well they turned out. Others were inspired by crisis or frustration, and evolved into highly effective guidelines that my kids appreciated as much as I did. To get those details, check out my article, My Five Best Parenting Moves.

One of the central questions that I’ve encountered over the years is: How do we find a healthy balance as parents, between wanting to offer our kids the best opportunities (whether that means schooling, activities, material goods, travel, positive family relationships, communication, or anything else we can think of) and wanting to teach them to be responsible, accountable, respectful, and compassionate?

I think most of us have seen what happens at either extreme. I’ve known kids and young adults whose parents ran their childhoods like a military camp – endless chores, no praise, no positives, yelling and screaming when the kids made mistakes. And I’ve seen kids who have never had any responsibility, who’ve been given everything without limits, and who grow up bossy, whiny, rude, demanding, and entitled – expecting everything to be handed to them, no matter what their attitude or behavior.

I do believe that most parents’ intentions are good, even in those extremes. And what I see that those “extreme” parents have in common is fear. The very strict parents want their kids to be responsible and successful, and their fear is that if they don’t control and dictate everything, their kids will be lazy, unruly, and not make it in the world. Those who give without boundaries or restraint want their kids to have a better life than they themselves had. They fear that their kids will miss out, be unhappy, or feel “not good enough.”

To be fair, I believe those fears are what we’ve been taught, either directly or indirectly, and they come from a small picture, scarcity-based viewpoint that says it’s 100 percent up to the parents to make sure the kids turn out okay. That viewpoint says it’s a tough world out there, and there aren’t enough resources for everyone, and kids have to be taught how to be respectful and responsible, and that survival, and eventually success, takes a lot of preparation, hard work, and is often a long, uphill climb.

Parenting With The Law of Attraction

So, what if we looked at the bigger picture instead, like maybe a Law of Attraction viewpoint? What if we were so aligned within ourselves that we looked at our kids and saw them as Source Energy in physical bodies too?

What if we remembered that they all have their own individual, internal guidance systems from the minute they get here (and before, and always), and that if we encourage them to recognize that guidance and follow it, they’ll have access to everything they’ll ever want and need?

What if we encouraged our kids to be true to themselves, to know how they feel and take action from a balanced place, and that as they did that, they would automatically be more loving, respectful, and abundant? What if we remembered that when they’re connected to themselves, they’re connected to Love, and that’s the best guidance they could ever have?

What if we remembered that our kids can be, do, and have anything they desire, and what if we also remembered that we’re not their Source! What if we taught them (or reminded them, since they come in knowing it) that all they need to do is stay aligned with themselves, and they can attract anything they choose into their experience – and the Universe, not their parents, will arrange it and fund it! That would certainly take the pressure off us as parents, wouldn’t it?

So picture this: You’ve taught your child (age 5, 25, or 45) the basics about Law of Attraction, or you’ve shown him where to find the information. Now he sees something he likes, and says, “I want that!” Instead of the old fear-based responses (“Oh no, now he’s going to be selfish, or disappointed!” “Oh no, now I’m going to have to get it for him!”), you can say, “Great – tell me about it,” and I can listen while he describes it, and how much he’ll enjoy it. Then you can say, “Sounds wonderful. Let me know how that works out.”

Or this: Your daughter says, “I don’t know what to do in this situation.” Instead of the old fear-based parenting responses (“Oh no, I have to know what to do, or I have to figure out the answer!” or “Oh no, she can’t solve her own problems, and now she’s unhappy!”), you can validate her feelings, and say, “What do you see as some possible choices? Which one of those feels best in your gut? What energizes you when you think about it?” and you can both know that since she’s Source Energy in a physical body, once she relaxes and tunes into her own internal guidance, she’ll ultimately know what to do.

Or this: Your son says, “I keep finding myself surrounded by all these angry, negative people.” Instead of the old, fear-based responses (“Well, the world is full of angry, negative people,” or “Oh no, my child is vulnerable to all the negativity in the world!”), you can validate his feelings, and say, “If you want to, let’s look at the mirrors (see Your Relationship With You and see how you can clean up your vibration so you’ll attract different people into your life.” And yes, I understand that you may not feel comfortable saying things like that right away, but I’ve been able to have conversations like these with both of my kids for years now, and it’s been very empowering for them, as well as an utter relief for me!

Parenting in Balance

Parenting with the Law of Attraction in mind doesn’t mean that we never offer our kids any input, hold them accountable, or ask anything of them. It just means we can have enough trust in the big picture that allows us to relax a little, so we can focus more on positive guidance and less about having to know everything, provide everything, or be in complete control.

My own kids have regular chores, have to complete both chores and homework before they watch TV, and are expected to be consistently respectful to me and to each other. They have consequences when they don’t follow the guidelines. I model what I ask of them by being respectful in the way I talk and listen to them, and by taking care of my responsibilities in the household and as a parent. None of us is perfect, and we all make mistakes. Then we acknowledge them, clean them up, and move on.

So where’s the line between active parenting and allowing our kids to go with their gut instincts and just be who they are? For me, because I’m legally and financially responsible for them until they’re 18, I intervene when their health and safety could be at risk, I encourage them to learn and be accountable, and I put guidelines into place that allow all of us to live together in our house in relative peace. I’ve also introduced them to the Law of Attraction, and have encouraged them to dream big and know they can have whatever they desire – and that I won’t be providing it, but the Universe will be happy to!

How Can Coaching Help Me With This?

If you have parenting concerns, I can help you pinpoint where things might have gotten off track, and offer some ideas, tools, and skills for getting back into balance. I can help you find that balance between teaching your kids to be respectful and responsible (and holding them accountable for those things), and encouraging them to dream big and be true to themselves.

If you have guilt or shame about parenting choices you’ve made, or fears or anxiety about your kids’ future – or any uncomfortable or highly charged feelings, beliefs, or thoughts that are getting in the way, we can work together using EFT to find the relief and clarity you need, and help you see the bigger picture, where all the solutions are, and where all is well.

Return to the main coaching page, "About Life Coaching"

You can click on any book cover below to see more information about that specific book, or click the "Susan's Books" tab on the left side of the page to see overviews of all the available books on one page. Enjoy!