Is It Yours Yet?

by Susan Hansen, M.S.

Need more practice with the Ten Real Tools?

Is It Yours Yet? is the response to a request I’ve heard repeatedly from students and clients who’ve completed my earlier workbook, Ten Real Tools For Real Life. Many people have said that they enjoyed and appreciated the first workbook, but that they needed a structured way to practice using the ten tools so the whole process would become more automatic, and a more natural part of their daily lives.

The title of this workbook comes from the review questions in Ten Real Tools, and refers to my belief that information and skills aren’t really “yours” until you can easily use them and clearly explain or teach them to someone else. With extended practice, the tools become “yours,” and you can use them for the rest of your life, in almost any situation.

Is It Yours Yet? offers 90 days of practice, with the most commonly used tools practiced more often, and the rest rotated in periodically. By the time you’ve completed these 90 days, you will definitely have honed your basic skills of self-awareness, managing emotions, communicating clearly, being true to yourself, and having healthier relationships with others.

How to use this workbook for best results:

If you haven't done the earlier workbook, Ten Real Tools For Real Life, I would highly recommend that you complete that one first. There’s a tremendous amount of information and how-to instruction for working with each tool, and without that, this workbook will not be nearly as effective.

It’s also helpful to have the first workbook to refer to if you need to, while you’re working on this one. You may want to refresh your memory, or to see more examples than I could include in a page-a-day format, and the first workbook has many more examples and much more detailed information.

Is It Yours Yet? is designed to be completed one page a day, one activity a day, for 90 days, but that’s not the only way it can be effective. Researchers have said for years now that it takes 21 to 30 consecutive days to form a new habit, so as long as you practice consistently for at least that long, you can still form the positive habit of using these tools. If you don’t want to do one activity a day for 90 days, you could do two a day for 45 days, or three a day for 30 days.

My bottom line recommendation is that you work through the activities in order (don‘t skip any!), do at least one activity each day, and no more than three. If you miss a day, make it up. If you miss several days, just pick up where you left off and keep going. Consistency is important, but perfectionism isn’t necessary or healthy. Just jump back in and keep going.

Along with writing down each exercise, please do as many of the follow-up steps as you can, even if you feel silly or awkward speaking what you wrote out loud. The brain stores information differently and more completely if you read, write, speak, and hear these activities. If you bring in another person -- a safe listener, trusted friend or loved one, workbook partner, personal coach, or counselor -- the effectiveness of these activities multiplies beyond measure.

When you complete the workbook, you’ll not only have 90 days worth of practice with these ten tools, you’ll also have a chronicle of your progress, a journal of sorts, and a personal reference book for being your healthiest and most assertive self.

If you decide to set a boundary, you’ll already have it written down. If you want to let go of a certain defense, you’ll already have a place to start. If you want to express “What’s Under Anger” to someone, you can just find the page and read what you’ve written. You get the idea.

If you finish your 90 days and find that you like this format for journaling and keeping a chronicle of your progress, you can always print out another workbook and do it again, or just start over at Day 1 using your own journal or notebook paper.

What I know about these tools is that you can’t “waste time” practicing them. They’re always relevant. And in 90 days, I have no doubt that your skill level will rise dramatically, and you’ll be more at ease with these tools than you ever thought possible.

How this workbook is structured:

The practice of the ten tools is set up in an alternating pattern, with more commonly needed tools (such as "I" statements) included more often than others. Each time a tool is repeated, different examples are given, so it's easier to think of your own. There are also days built in for noting your progress and doing some extra self-care, and I encourage you to have a major celebration when you get to Day 90. Here's how the book is laid out:


~ About This Workbook
~ How to Use This Workbook for Best Results
~ List of Feeling Words

~ Day 1: “I” Statement Practice
~ Day 2: Letting Go of Defenses
~ Day 3: Boundary Setting Practice
~ Day 4: “What’s Under Anger” Practice
~ Day 5: Supportive Feedback Practice
~ Day 6: Healthy Outlets for Stress
~ Day 7: Weekly Check-In

~ Day 8: “I” Statement Practice
~ Day 9: Diffusing the Rage Bomb
~ Day 10: Boundary Setting Practice
~ Day 11: Assertiveness Practice
~ Day 12: Healthy Outlets for Stress
~ Day 13: Staying Out of the Drama Triangle
~ Day 14: Weekly Check-In

~ Day 15: “I” Statement Practice
~ Day 16: Letting Go of Defenses
~ Day 17: Boundary Setting Practice
~ Day 18: “What’s Under Anger” Practice
~ Day 19: Supportive Feedback Practice
~ Day 20: Healthy Outlets for Stress
~ Day 21: Weekly Check-In

~ Day 22: “I” Statement Practice
~ Day 23: Diffusing the Rage Bomb
~ Day 24: Boundary Setting Practice
~ Day 25: Assertiveness Practice
~ Day 26: Healthy Outlets for Stress
~ Day 27: Staying Out of the Drama Triangle
~ Day 28: Weekly Check-In

~ Day 29: Noticing Changes and Progress
~ Day 30: Self-Care Day

~ Day 31: “I” Statement Practice
~ Day 32: Letting Go of Defenses
~ Day 33: Boundary Setting Practice
~ Day 34: “What’s Under Anger” Practice
~ Day 35: Supportive Feedback Practice
~ Day 36: Healthy Outlets for Stress
~ Day 37: Weekly Check-In

~ Day 38: “I” Statement Practice
~ Day 39: Diffusing the Rage Bomb
~ Day 40: Boundary Setting Practice
~ Day 41: Assertiveness Practice
~ Day 42: Healthy Outlets for Stress
~ Day 43: Staying Out of the Drama Triangle
~ Day 44: Weekly Check-In

~ Day 45: “I” Statement Practice
~ Day 46: Letting Go of Defenses
~ Day 47: Boundary Setting Practice
~ Day 48: “What’s Under Anger” Practice
~ Day 49: Supportive Feedback Practice
~ Day 50: Healthy Outlets for Stress
~ Day 51: Weekly Check-In

~ Day 52: “I” Statement Practice
~ Day 53: Diffusing the Rage Bomb
~ Day 54: Boundary Setting Practice
~ Day 55: Assertiveness Practice
~ Day 56: Healthy Outlets for Stress
~ Day 57: Staying Out of the Drama Triangle
~ Day 58: Weekly Check-In

~ Day 59: Noticing Changes and Progress
~ Day 60: Self-Care Day

~ Day 61: “I” Statement Practice
~ Day 62: Letting Go of Defenses
~ Day 63: Boundary Setting Practice
~ Day 64: “What’s Under Anger” Practice
~ Day 65: Supportive Feedback Practice
~ Day 66: Healthy Outlets for Stress
~ Day 67: Weekly Check-In

~ Day 68: “I” Statement Practice
~ Day 69: Diffusing the Rage Bomb
~ Day 70: Boundary Setting Practice
~ Day 71: Assertiveness Practice
~ Day 72: Healthy Outlets for Stress
~ Day 73: Staying Out of the Drama Triangle
~ Day 74: Weekly Check-In

~ Day 75: “I” Statement Practice
~ Day 76: Letting Go of Defenses
~ Day 77: Boundary Setting Practice
~ Day 78: “What’s Under Anger” Practice
~ Day 79: Supportive Feedback Practice
~ Day 80: Healthy Outlets for Stress
~ Day 81: Weekly Check-In

~ Day 82: “I” Statement Practice
~ Day 83: Diffusing the Rage Bomb
~ Day 84: Boundary Setting Practice
~ Day 85: Assertiveness Practice
~ Day 86: Healthy Outlets for Stress
~ Day 87: Staying Out of the Drama Triangle
~ Day 88: Weekly Check-In

~ Day 89: Noticing Changes and Progress
~ Day 90: Self-Care and Celebration Day

~ Now What?
~ Susan’s Contact Information
~ More Workbooks
~ Workshops and Trainings

Get your copy of the e-book or soft cover paperback:

Is It Yours Yet? Downloadable e-book (PDF File) -- 102 pages -- $14.95 (US)

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This is a recent book, and I welcome questions and feedback. You can reach me through the "Contact Susan" page.

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